Kontrol mü Kabul mu?
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- Psikolog Ezgi Özer
- 08 Şubat 2022
Nedir yaşamak? Bu sorunun cevabını genelde mutsuz olduğumuzda arıyoruz. Ulaştığımız şeyler ise bizi daha da üzen şeyler olabiliyor. Bu cevaplarla karşılaşmaya hazır olamıyoruz. Sevilmemeye, önemsenmemeye ve anlaşılmamaya programlanmış değiliz. Bu duygularla baş etmek için kontrol ederken buluyoruz kendimizi. Haliyle kontrol denemeleri başarısız oluyor ve döngü olarak başladığımız yere geri dönüyoruz sürekli. Daha fazla kontrol, geçmişte yaşanılan bir hayat ve andan uzaklaşan biz.
Çıkmaza girdiğimiz zamanlarda anlam yönünde ilerlemeye nasıl devam edebiliriz? Kulağa ne kadar imkansızmış gibi geliyor değil mi? Aslında hayatımız boyunca yaptığımız şey buyken. Farkında olmuyoruz ya da farklı adlandırıyoruz. Acılara rağmen değil, acılarla yürümek; bu acıyı yanımızda taşıyabilmek bizi asıl güçlendiren ve yaşamla barışmamızı sağlayan işte o an.
Kimler veya neler bizim daha fazla anlamlılık yönünde ilerlememize yardımcı oluyor? Çaresiz, umutsuz hissettiğimiz anlarda destek alabileceğimiz birileri var mı etrafımızda? Kimse yokmuş, hiçbir şey bize yardımcı olamayacakmış gibi gelebilir o duygu çökkünlüğüyle birlikte. Oysa bize destek olacak kişileri, durumları biliriz. Bu arayışa girmeye motivasyonumuz olmayabilir, önceden baş ettiğimiz sorunlara odaklanmak yerine yaşadığımız duygu yoğunluğuyla yolumuzu kaybederiz. Hayatımızın yönetiminin bizim elimizde olduğunu anladığımızda ise bu yorumlar böyle yansımaz bize. Duyguya duygu olarak düşünceye de düşünce olarak bakabiliriz, kontrol edilecek olan şeyin bu duygu ve düşünceler olmadığını anlarız. Kontrolün başlı başına bizi kötü etkileyen bir eylem olduğunun farkına varırız; çünkü bizler bize iyi gelmediğini hissettiğimiz şeyleri kontrol etmeye çalışırız. Böylelikle daha da kötü hissederken buluruz kendimizi çünkü kontrol etmek aslında yaşadığımız duyguları yok saymaya uğraşmaktır.
Kontrolü ele geçirmeye çalışmanın bedelleri var, sürekli düşünmek ve her hareketin sonunu hesaplamak bundan dolayı nasıl yapacağını düşünmekten istediği şeyleri yapamamak gibi...
Kontrol halinde olmanın getirileri de var: acıdan uzak durmak, insanlara ve kendimize duvar örerek gelebilecek tehlikelerden korunmak, bahaneler üretmek ve tembellik yapmak... Bu getiriler işte bizi tehlikelerden koruduğuna inandığımız ama hayattan kopmamızı sağlayan şeyler.
Şuan kendinizi kontrol etmeye çalıştığınız için hiçbir istediğinizi yapamıyorsanız belki de bir durmaya ihtiyacınız vardır, ne dersiniz? Hayatınızın hep böyle devam etmesini istiyorsanız tabi ki yine kendinizi bu döngüye dahil edebilirsiniz. İlerlemek istediğiniz yön bu değilse hala orda kalmaya neden devam edesiniz? Yaşadığınız deneyimler çok zor olabilir ve bir daha o anları, aynı duygularla yaşamak istemiyor olabilirsiniz. Bunu sağlamanın yolu ise sizin de gördüğünüz gibi onlarla yaşamak değil, onları yaşandı kabul edip, orda hissettiklerinizi, düşündüklerinizi yanınızda taşıyarak ve şimdiye olumsuz katkı yapmasına izin vermeden; hayatınıza devam etmek.
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