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- Psikolog Ezgi Özer
- 06 Nisan 2022
Anlaşılmak...
Şimdilerin en büyük beklentisi sanki. Her defasında anlaşılmadığımızı düşündüğümüz yerden kırılıyor ve kanıyoruz. Bu bir beklenti mi yoksa gereklilik mi onu bile bilemiyoruz. Emin olduğum bir şey var ki herkes anlaşılsaydı; en azından anlaşıldığını hissetseydi, sorunlar arasında kaybolmazdık.
Duyulmayınca, dokunulmayınca; sarılmayınca yaralarımız, en derinlerde bir mesken buluyor kendine. Nereye gitsek bizimle geliyor yaralar. Kanıyor sıkça, bazense kabuk bağlıyor. Yaraları sarmayı ne zaman öğrendik, diye kendime soruyorum sıkça; tek başına da zorluklarla baş edebildiğimizi gördüğümüzde, diye varsayıyorum. Bu his işlevsel mi henüz kesin bir yanıtım yok fakat iyi hissettiren bir duygu olduğunun farkındayım.
Anlaşıldığımızı nasıl anlarız? Mimik, eylem veya sözel ifadeler mi? Sanırım birden fazla şekliyle hayatımızda var olabiliyorlar. Nasıl gösterildiği değil de hissettirilip, hissettirilmediği odak noktamız sanki. Gerçekten anlaşıldığımı hissediyor muyum?
Hissettiğim zamanlar kendimi kuş gibi hissediyorum, özgür. Beni, mutlu ediyor bu özgürlük hali. Hayatıma, sınırlarımı koruyan insanları dahil ettiğim için; kendi değerlerime doğru bir adım daha attım diyebiliyorum. Sınırları korumak, anlaşılmayı beraberinde getirmese de davranışsal olarak bir tarafında durabiliyor.
Herkesin, hayatımızdaki varlığı çeşitli olabiliyor. Bazı insanlar bizi çok iyi anlarken, bazı insanlarla sadece eğlenebiliyoruz. Bazılarından borç isteyebilirken, bazı insanlarla iş geliştirebiliyoruz. Yaşam da böyle bir şey olsa gerek. Konum ve bağlam, olayları yorumlamamız için hazırlıyor bizi her defasında. Gerçekten bu kişi tarafından anlaşılmaya ihtiyacın var mı, diye tekrarlıyoruz.
Bağ kurduğum ve zor zamanlarımda yanımda olmasını istediğim insanlar tarafından anlaşılmayı bekliyorum. Bu beklenti karşılanmıyorsa, ne yapmalıyım?
Sanırım bu soruların tek bir cevabı yok. Kendime verebileceğim ve beni tatmin edecek cevap ise, değerlerin doğrultusunda ne yapman gerekiyorsa onu yap, oluyor. Hayatım için işlevsel olana ancak böyle yönelebiliyorum. Diğer türlü hislerimi yok etmeye çalışmak ve tetikleyicileri ortadan kaldırmaya çalışmak; zaman kaybı yaratıyor, bir de içimde açılan kocaman yaralar...
Acılar var, her zaman olacak. Bundan kaçmak veya onları yok etmek derdinde hiç değilim. Acıları ıstıraba dönüştürmeyecek kişi benim ve onlarla savaşmayı değil onlara kucak açmayı seçiyorum.
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